‘Don’t worry, Kelly. T-Bone is a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu expert, and he’s had three bacon and egg sandwiches this morning. He’s probably gunna need a couple more after this.’
They were the words of local plumber and Barrelled Surf podcast host, Adz Kennedy, broadcast to the world as he and co-hosts T-Bone and DJ Namu chaired Kelly Slater up the Surfers Point stairs following his final heat as a full-time competitor.
The boys are all just “regular Joe Blokes from Yallingup”, says Adzy, but through a well-hatched plan, a bit of luck, and some good old Aussie larrikinism they managed to insert “their dirty mugs” into one of the most historic moments in the sport of surfing.
The plan to chair Kelly up the beach began to take shape after watching on the WSL webcast Carissa Moore’s final heat, as she retired from competitive surfing at Pipeline this year, Adzy tells Tracks.
‘When she walked up the beach the cameras just cut away. They didn’t show any of her fans or family or all that. We were going, fuck, this a five-time world champ, one of the best to ever do it. Let’s see a bit of love, a bit of joy. There was just nothing. We were like, mate, that’s pretty crazy. And the GOAT was maybe gunna be in the same circumstance, and we were not gunna let the same thing happen in Margaret River,’ he says.
Adzy admits to skiving off work for most of the week and hanging about the comp site like a bad smell. He and the boys made use of their media passes, getting backstage and interviewing for the podcast everyone from Kelly to the crew cooking lunches. And when the comp wasn’t on, they went surfing, of course. On the peak at Mainbreak, they began to design their plan.
‘On the first day of competition, they called it off after round one. Me, T-Bone, and Namu had this beautiful session out at Mainbreak with about five pros – one of ‘em was Kelly. It was sunny, light winds, little three footers – beautiful little waves, but you just had to really wait for them. We spent about two and a half hours sitting out the back talking to Kelly. Splitting the peak with him, hooting each other onto waves. We called it the great GOAT encounter. Mate, we were just buzzing. We had so much fun,’ he says.
‘In the course of that surf, I mentioned my idea. I said, “look mate, I dunno how to word this, but you’re not looking good on the ratings. Unless you win, you’re probably not gunna make the cut. On behalf of the West Australian surfing public, the international surfing public, you deserve to be chaired up. And he went, “that’d be awesome if you did that”. So we got the green light from the GOAT.
“I said, ‘look mate, I dunno how to word this, but you’re not looking good on the ratings. Unless you win, you’re probably not gunna make the cut.”
‘So then we went on call.’
On the morning of what was likely to be Kelly’s last day of competition, Adzy was on high alert as he watched Kelly’s heat from across the reef at Southsides. He listened to the scores from the beach announcer, ready to abandon his surf and rush in if Kelly lost.
‘I looked over and saw him in the pit, then come flying out. I went, ‘nah, he’s not getting knocked out. I stayed out surfing for a bit longer. Then as the day went on, it went light onshore and he had Griffin, and we went, “here we go, this is gunna be tough.’”
Back at the comp site, the boys readied themselves for the task with a little bit of help from the kitchen.
‘Because we gave them a shout out on the podcast, every time we walk past they’re just plying us with food. We’re getting three times as much as the pros. I kid you not, T-Bone had three massive bacon and egg toasties and a nasi goreng, two coffees, a couple a Red Bulls and a few biccies.’
All fuelled up, they flashed their green media wristbands to security and made their way through the barricades to the beach. They were determined and nothing would stop them, but at the top of the stairs the boys hit a hurdle.
‘There were a lot of people, and fences. I said to T-Bone, “I might just go and word this security guard up so he doesn’t rush us”. The security guard, he didn’t look very fit, let’s put it that way. Old T-Bone is a very quiet man but he’s a bit of a weapon and he trains jiu-jitsu. He could wrap him up in a pretzel. I went up but he was in full bouncer mode, just saying the same thing over and over. ‘Get behind the red line. Get behind the red line!’
‘I said, “mate, I understand you’re doing your job, but you gotta trust me on this one. This a huge moment in world surfing”. He just kept yelling at me. I tried for a couple minutes and he started getting real angry. I walked away and went to T-Bone, and said, “mate, he’s not gunna let us do it, but I don’t give a fuck. We’re doing it. If he wants to tackle me he can try his hardest. But I’m doing it.”
‘Right at the perfect time, the media manager, Chloe, walks down. I waved to her and said, “this is what’s going down. Trust me, we had a surf with Kelly and he wants us to do it”. And she was like, “cool, no worries”. It was great timing, because I was gunna do it anyway. I didn’t wanna cause a scene but I was prepared to do it.
The boys made their way down to the beach where Kelly had stopped to sign autographs for a few groms. He noticed the boys there, not that their presence was very inconspicuous.
‘I said, “are we doing this?’”, says Adzy. He goes, “yeah, let me sign some autographs”. And then he goes, “nah, fuck it, you know what, let’s do this thing”.
‘Me and T-Bone hoisted him up and DJ Namu grabbed his board. Mate, it was fucking unreal to be in that position. We made our way up the stairs, and we’re like, don’t fucking drop the GOAT, whatever you do. T-Bone had such a good grip of his inner thighs, he’s claiming he touched the GOAT’s balls. He’s heterosexual, for the record, but who doesn’t wanna touch the GOAT’s balls.
“T-Bone had such a good grip of his inner thighs, he’s claiming he touched the GOAT’s balls. He’s heterosexual, for the record, but who doesn’t wanna touch the GOAT’s balls.”
‘There were a lot of people there; a plethora of friends and industry people hi-fiving him. His wife was there. We just chaired him straight past his pregnant wife. She got a little bit of a smooch, but we were just like, “out of the way, love”.
‘I was using the hand-rail going nice and steady, because, mate, you don’t wanna drop the guy. There were lots of people, but to be honest I wasn’t looking at faces, just concentrating on the stairs, making sure I didn’t miss a step.
‘We carried him right up the top and put him down. He gave us a big hug and a handshake. We’re just so lucky to have been in that position. Just a couple of average blokes from Yallingup.’
The boys put him down and left him to his interview on the glass with Stace Galbraith. They headed straight back to the VIP area.
‘It was like we won the fucking comp. Everyone is cheering and hi-fiving us. Mate, we had GOAT juice all over our shirts, we were absolute heroes, it’s fantastic. I’m trying not to drink during the week but we’re like, fuck that, get us some beers, mate. We all just celebrated. It was a joyous occasion. We just relished it. Fucking fantastic man. We’re so stoked.
‘A couple hours later Chloe, the media manager, takes us in the athlete area to get a photo with him. He signed my Barrelled Surf t-shirt. And we went, mate, “we are getting that framed and it is going straight up in the shed where we do our podcasts. And yeah, that one is going straight to the pool room.”
