How could this monumental, although not life threatening, stuff up occur in the age of such advanced minute scientific calculations?

New York air. Pic: ASP/ Rowland

“Stay on the line Huston we have a problem… Our calculations were incorrect and you will be unable to re-enter the atmosphere, sorry.” Okay, so it’s not as serious as that – but despite reports to the contrary, Kelly Slater has not clinched his eleventh world title (yet). Thanks to the man himself contacting the ASP about the mathematical blunder, the 2011 world title is back up for grabs. That is, second placed Aussie Avatar Owen Wright has a slim chance of a shock win.

How could this monumental, although not life threatening, stuff up occur in the age of such advanced minute scientific calculations Einstein’s theory of relativity has been exposed as incorrect? (Or at least not spot on). Only the bods at the ASP will be able to explain that one, and with the shit they’ve been coping from some surfing pundits of late I for one feel sorry for them, and Kelly.

First the ASP; no pro sporting organization, running a points system calendar comp, should ever be in a position where an unknown punter revels a title deciding gaffe such as this – yet that’s exactly what happened. A bloke named Mark commented on one of the many online reports of Ke11y’s win that “according to his calculations” the fat lady was yet to crescendo and Owen Wright still had a sniff. Ke11y, scanning the World Wide Web post his celbratory party at a bowling alley (where he probaly naile many a strike) read the comment, and being the curious cat of untold truths that he is, investigated further. After crunching the numbers Ke11y came to the conclusion Mark was indeed correct.

“Kelly immediately began contacting people about this thing,” his agent, Terry hardy, told the Chronicle. “He wasn’t going to be able to live with himself if he won the title unfairly. He’s going, ‘We gotta call the ASP and let ‘em know’”

Moving right along, Ke11y’s proved himself the champion (yet again), and come clean, while the ASP, struggling to initially believe the error, do to.

The ten-time world champ now has to win his round four or five heat to make it legit. If he fails in this task, Owen needs to win both The Search and The Pipe Masters, to steal his (already bolted) thunder. Wow.

Is the unthinkable going to happen? I doubt it, but what a dramatic twist. For Owen, he’ll be invigorated by the gap that’s re-opened. His dream of winning a maiden world title remains alive. For Ke11y, as I tweeted earlier today, winning his eleventh world title – for a second time! – Will be like losing his virginity twice… Lucky prick.

– Col B

ASP’s Official Press release: Below

OCEAN BEACH, San Francisco/California (Friday, November 4, 2011) – The ASP has admitted that, due to a calculation error within its rankings’ system, the 2011 ASP World Title has yet to be officially decided and that Kelly Slater (USA), 39, was prematurely awarded his 11th ASP World Title on Wednesday.

“Our rankings’ system is designed to split tie-breaks based off of seed points,” Renato Hickel, ASP World Tour Manager, said. “Kelly (Slater) and Owen (Wright) tied at best nine of 11 results, so we went to best eight of 11 results and the system gave it to Kelly based off his higher seed position. We were operating under that assumption and created the ASP World Title scenarios based off of that. This was a mistake. In the end, we’re responsible for this and should be held accountable. We apologize to our fans, the surfers and to Owen and Kelly.”

Moving forward, Slater must win one more heat, either at the Rip Curl Pro Search San Francisco or at the following event at Pipeline in Hawaii to confirm his 2011 ASP World Title. For Wright to remain in the hunt, he must win both the Rip Curl Pro Search San Francisco and the following event at Pipeline in Hawaii.

REVISED 2011 ASP WORLD TITLE SCENARIOS:
– If Kelly wins either Round 4 or 5 (one more heat win) in San Francisco, he will confirm his 2011 ASP World Title.
– If Kelly fails to win another heat in San Francisco, Owen must win this event to send the 2011 ASP World Title race to Hawaii.
– If the race goes to Hawaii, Kelly must advance out of one heat to confirm his 2011 ASP World Title. If Kelly fails to advance through a heat at Pipeline, Owen must also win this event to stay in the 2011 ASP World Title Race.
– If Kelly fails to advance out of another heat this season, and Owen wins in San Francisco and Pipeline, the two will tie at best of nine, eight, seven, etc. events, and the 2011 ASP World Title will be decided in a “Surf Off”