2016 may have got off to an all-time start for surfers on the Gold Coast, with a dreamy run of conditions courtesy of tropical cyclones Victor and Winston, but the back half of the year has sunk into a sad and sorry state along Queensland’s southern coastline, and the locals have had a gutful. Some are calling it the worst flat spell in years, while others have resorted to much maligned alternative crafts to get their fix, but how bad has it been exactly, and is the prospect of a promising cyclone season doing anything to stop the plague of surf-related depression that’s spreading like wildfire through the local surf community?

‘It’s been terrible,’ says local filmer Craig Halstead, who’s as qualified as anyone to comment on the state of the waves on the Goldy. At sixty-five, the quick-witted old kiwi may not surf himself anymore, but he’s down the beach every morning documenting the best of the local action. ‘I've only filmed a couple of times, one day of small south swell plus a couple of wind-swell sessions at D’Bah. There’s been nothing of substance since early August, by comparison to spring last year when we had swell virtually the entire season.’

Mick Fanning enjoying better days at home on the Gold Coast.

But isn’t that just part and parcel of living on the east coast at this time of year, an unfortunate couple of months when surfers would be better off taking up golf or drinking?

‘It rarely gets epic,’ says Craig, ‘but this is probably the worst swell drought, August to November, I’ve seen on the Goldy since I started filming in 2005.’

Local shaper Ben Webb of Shaping Co surfboards has all but given up.

‘It’s been borderline unsurfable,’ he says. ‘I’ve surfed a mal once and that’s been it for the last month or two.’

Promising local junior, Sheldon Simkus, who was fortunate enough to be travelling through Europe and the States when the flat spell started, has turned to the devil’s tools since returning home in order to feel the stoke again.

It's been nothing but windslop and wiggles for several months on the Gold Coast.

‘I recently bought a SUP and as much as I used to dislike people paddling them out in the surf when it was crowded, it’s the funnest board for inside runners at places like Kirra or Currumbin Alley.’

So what will this flat spell mean for the once mighty surf mecca if it continues? Is the Goldy destined to become a wave-starved wasteland where filmers can’t film, shapers can’t test their boards, and the area’s best young talents are forced to ride equipment better suited to men in the midst of mid-life crises?

Maybe not, because the Bureau of Meteorology has just announced that the 2016/2017 summer season should bring a larger number of tropical cyclones than usual, which will come as music to the ears of the surf-starved inhabitants of Southern Queensland. 

‘Everyone’s looking forward to a good clean cyclone swell,’ confirms Craig. ‘That first decent swell should be a good fitness test for everyone.’