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With the Margaret River Pro being canceled due to the threat of shark attacks, the surf world is left with a collective case of what could have been. With WSL’s plans to finish the Margaret River Pro in say, Portugal, obviously flawed, we look into the Tracks’ crystal ball to find out what exactly would have gone down if the comp had finished.
Gabriel and Italo hit the shorey
Despite Mainbreak being a solid eight to ten foot, Italo and Gabriel Medina surfed their Quarterfinal inside the paddle out s’s never progressing more than five metres from dry land. Their heat totals of 0.75 and 1.20 were gained from attempts at riding the wakes of the jetskis doing the shark surveillance. Both were disqualified under the new “West Oz Don’t Be A Pussy” Rule. The pair were banned for one event (that couldn’t be J-Bay) and forced to paddle from the Bombie to the Box with three cans of PAL down their wetsuits. After the ordeal, and back home safe in Rio, the murder capital of the world, they vowed to fight the ban.
Mikey Takes Out John John
After defeating John John Florence in Round 3, Mikey Wright went on to defeat Jesse Mendes in the Quarterfinal, after Mendes was deemed to score an interference. That Wright brought out a pair of scissors and gave the Brazilian a mullet at the half way stage was not considered provocation by the judges. The final, where Mikey defeated his brother Owen in the dying seconds, is considered a classic. Following the win, Wright junior was granted a full-time place on the CT, his own ute and driver and ended up finishing the year a credible ninth. Mendes, weirdly, kept the mullet.
Mick Saves The Day
In truly dramatic scenes Tyler Wright was saved from certain death when Mick Fanning appeared from nowhere and fought off a six metre great white. Leading her Semifinal against Steph Gilmore, crowds looked on in shock as the dorsal fin the size of a Giveway sign appeared from behind and the shark breached, poised for attack. It was then that Fanning, who everyone assumed had moved to Las Vegas permanently, arose wearing a superhero outfit made from shark skin and a 1000 aluminum Balter cans and fought, and killed, the shark with his bare hands. He then offered Wright some advice on lineup positioning and priority, before swimming off into the distance. That however paled in comparison to the controversy at the end of the heat when Wright, needing a 4.5 to win, scored a 4.2.
Jack Robinson Epic Performance
Jack Robinson’s epic performance at North Point on Final’s Day is one that will be talked about for a very long time. One 10-foot set wave, which featured an eight-second tube and the biggest alley-oop ever performed in history is thought to be the best wave ever surfed in Western Australia, if not the world. Unfortunately for Robinson, the organizers had decided to run the event at 15-foot onshore Margies, and his Round 3 opponent Gabriel Medina won the heat surfing the Mainbreak stairs. “It’s a fucking joke,” said Robinson’s dad Trevor. “The Brazo shits himself when he sees a fucking pilchard and won the heat with a rail slide onto dry sand. I told Jacko that the comp was on at Margaret’s, but he didn’t believe the WSL could be that fucking stupid.”
