Retraction: I unreservedly, inexorably, unequivocally, and with some horror, retract my statement…

Retraction: I unreservedly, inexorably, unequivocally, and with some horror, retract my statement, as proclaimed in my previous blog, that on the North Shore, flat means 4 foot. It used to. This has now been modified, because flat means flat after all. In fact, the last few days have been flat as a shit carter’s hat. Not even a peep out of Pupukea, not a V shaped ripple out of V-Land, not a door knob from Backdoor, nor a pissy little brick from Off The Wall.
Which in a way, isn’t all that bad a thing! Blasphemy? Perhaps, but if one looks at the situation laterally, as we all claim to aspire to, at least those of us with post simian IQ’s, one can see some positives. For example, there is lots of cool shit you can get up to just on Oahu, let alone the entire exquisite Hawaiian Island chain, which you rarely do, because of the single minded fixation on waves which most surfers have. And I’m not claiming to be any different; after all, if you come to the North Shore in winter, you’re coming for surf, so why waste valuable (and expensive) trip time on non surf activities? Well, you don’t, unless it is flat, and I mean the New School flat – dead flat.
So I had a massive night at the Bay Club (Turtle Bay), played pool with some local boys, and woke up bleeding from the ears and eyes. I drove to the East side, saw the stunning, Tahiti-esque switchback mountains, green tinged and airbrushed, swam at a gorgeous, white sand beach near La’ie Point, visited the awesome Buddhist Temple and rang the gong of good fortune, and had some authentic local pig and poi.
I jumped off the rock at Waimea Bay (and I mean bay, I swam some laps too, ala Bondi bay swimming, and it was glorious). I shot the Rip Curl girls in bikinis in sumptuous afternoon light, and yes Alana was there, and yes she had on one of her trademark outfits, and yes all is good with the world!
I snorkeled at Shark Cove with lots of tourists, and a very friendly turtle, who only looked at me with moderate disdain when I attempted to pat him.
And today I went stand up paddle boarding at Canoes on the South Shore, had afternoon mai tais on the summit of some grand old hotel, and as this gets sent, I am en route to another massive night. Look for me anywhere tomorrow, anytime after midday.
Flat’s flat and that’s that? Don’t think so bro, but that said, I am ready for a wave!

Sparksie

Your photographer and author, Sparksie mid stroke.