Sala resembles a yogi from central casting. Long waves of dark hair, a single braid that extends to his lower back, thick salt and pepper beard, deep, gentle eyes that see to your soul.

It’s day one of a much-anticipated father/son trip to a friends’ surf resort in Sri Lanka, that specialises in healthy food, yoga and massage. It’s an optimistic choice. He’s here to surf, not seek enlightenment. If I was giving odds on the chances of getting my hyper-active 19-year-old son to a yoga class, I would’ve said 100 to one.

I get it. Young men in their late teens tend not to listen to their fathers. It’s evolutionary – the need to distance, step into independence, become their own men. Still, we fathers worry about our young men and the challenging world they are growing up in – the scourge of social media, appalling self-appointed ‘alpha male’ influencers, pervasive messaging that masculinity is inherently ‘toxic’. 

In our case, these vexed times have been exacerbated by my cancer diagnosis 10 years ago and its debilitating treatments, which eroded my capacity to be the kind of father I aspire to be. The frontline treatment for prostate cancer, hormone therapy, can cause mood swings and difficulty regulating emotions. There’ve been fraught moments we resemble two teenagers – our prefrontal cortexes yet to fully develop.

My son and I love each other fiercely. We hug firmly and frequently, declare this love openly and often. But we are perhaps too similar – both sensitive, passionate, fiery, stubborn. We share a love of surfing and guitar yet have clashed wildly while navigating those volatile teenage years – pitched battles over mobile phone and Internet use, gaming, school, the inevitable temptations as a teenage surfer on the Gold Coast.

This father/son surf trip offers ...